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Sunday, September 15, 2013

CONCEAL VERSUS REVEAL

After I was given my AS diagnosis, I told everyone, thinking it would make my life easier because other people would now 'understand' me.
Silly me!
My bad boundaries had kicked in again.
I've found telling people I'm an aspie is just as fraught with danger for me as not telling.
Telling is probably worse because I am usually instantly rejected instead of it taking a bit longer to occur.
This rejection mainly takes the form of being talked down to, treated like I'm mentally defective.
Never mind that I  have post-graduate university qualifications and have worked as a teacher and journalist.
I also have about a dozen Google blogs, mainly about Australian family and local history.
But people I've just met don't know this about me, so they take me at face value.
At what I tell them about myself.
Most people's perception of the nature of Asperger's Syndrome is very hazy, and their opinion about it because of ignorance is negative.
I'm realising that some people make me very aware of who they are when I first meet them.
Like their ego, their sense of self, and their sense of self-importance, is very strong.
Maybe I need to do that, but after a lifetime of rejection my self-esteem is very low and I would find that hard to do.

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