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Monday, March 2, 2015


I found an interesting book, The Runaway Brain, by Christopher Wills.
It is mainly about evolution and genetics, but on page 279, there's a bit about the autistic brain.
"Autistics, savants in particular, cannot shift their attention to that great range of inputs from the surrounding world that occupy much of the attention of normal people."
I can really identify with that.
I'm so much aware of it.
It's like the cogs inside my brain are rusty and cannot turn quickly enough.
So I cannot flit from one thing to another and then back again.
I have to do things, serially, one at a time.
But instead we have a singleness of purpose, a great quality to have.


This blog is my therapist.
It enables me to vent about anything that is upsetting me.
To get it off my chest instead of bottling it up inside and creating the at times unbearable condition of  'sensory overload'.

Today I'm upset about two things.
A group photo taken at a local business group meeting that I attended with my carer.
And being bullied by my Housing NSW client service officer.

My 'aspiness' is very visible in group photos.
Compared with the others in it, I have a blank, fixed facial expression, and rigid body.
I am also grossly overweight, wearing a jersey dress with a too low neckline showing cleavage.
I was shocked when I saw it, in public view.

The Housing woman is authoritarian and dictatorial, incapable, it seems, of relating to me in a normal, respectful way.
Every time I have dealt with her either in person or on the phone, she has fired orders and threatened to take me to the tenancy tribunal.
At first I am filled with fear and anxiety, then I become angry.
I've reached the stage now where I can't bear to have anything to do with her.
It's like a phobia, except that a phobia is an irrational fear and mine is perfectly rational.
I'm afraid of being kicked in the guts by her again.
I already suffer from PTSD so her brutal behaviour puts me instantly into the 'flight or fight' mode.
In psychological terms it would be called a 'conditioned reflex', a response that has become an automatic aversive reaction to her.
I couldn't even bear to open a letter from her recently.
That's how bad it has become.

I have complained about her, but nothing is ever done.
Complaints by tenants about public housing staff by are invariable dismissed.
They just play on the negative stereotype, the false premise, that the tenant making the complaint is probably crazy.
I have the right to protect myself from further abuse by this woman.

What to do?